The former ruler of France is reported to be shocked at the cost of living on Elba, and sees no way he can stay there without the benefit of his emperor's salary or war booty.
His aides have confirmed that he is exploring a range of back-to-work and “active retirement” options available to restless autocrats. He realises this news may not go down well with the English, but he blames them for forcing him to accept his “pitifully inadequate” retirement package, which he claims is not even index-linked.
Not everyone is convinced, however. One member of his retinue said, “I'm staying put. This Elban climate is working wonders for my arthritis – you wouldn't believe what a retreat from Moscow can do to your joints. If he goes in for this 'active retirement' tomfoolery, I give it 100 days, max. He'll probably end up in some place like Belgium, making a show of himself”.