In a last, desperate attempt to stop oil flowing into the Gulf of Mexico, BP executives have turned to former Labour heavyweight Lord Prescott of Ull for help.
Engineers have come up with an ingenious plan to use one of the former Cabinet Minister's old toilet seats to cap the leaking oil well.
'They have already proved themselves fit for purpose time and again and certainly seem to have been up to the task so far' said Ingmar Johansen from Friends of the Earth 'it has been of paramount importance in preventing a cataclysmic environmental disaster in the Hull area.
No - we meant out at sea, not on dry land. You can't entirely blame Prescott for that disaster, this is Hull we're talking about for Chrisakes - that's a different pile of shite altogether from the one we're talking about.
We know there are environmental risks involved, but picture it if you will....emptying John Prescott's bowels into the ocean or a measly billion gallons of crude oil, which one would be worse?
OK, you've got a point there...but we still need to stop that oil. Yes, we are well aware which is the crudest
A TU95 jet is on standby to transport the seat out to the Gulf but as yet finding a volunteer pilot to make the 4000 mile journey is proving an obstacle.
'We can't find a pilot now that most of them have volunteered for foot patrol out in Helmand' explained wing commander Nigel Barton-Smythe
The toilet seat, already dubbed Ebola Gay by veteran RAF jet-jockeys, will be flown at a height of 20,000 to avoid impacting on the worlds already fragile ozone layer.
US Homeland Security have refused permission for the seat to land on American soil and so it will be dropped from outside earth's atmosphere. Fears that it might burn up as it enters earth's gravity were brushed aside when it was revealed Prescott was a regular customer at The Star of India most Friday nights back home in Hull.
Tony Blair has ruled out any chance of using one of his Lear jets for the mission. 'He said no chance unless we can guarantee that the aircraft will be returned in one piece. Which of course, we can't..
John Prescott was unavailable for comment, he was busy eating a pie.