Theologians were left somewhat surprised to hear that the One True God, has for sometime, been listening to the GOP. This divine confession follows Republican claims, that after a night of prayer, the Supreme Being told them to support House Speaker, John Boehner.
While taking the credit for helping the U.S. government avoid the "fiscal cliff" earlier this year, God admitted to ignoring prayers: "Initially it started as a dull buzzing noise, a droning on about the Second Amendment. The Second Amendment? What's that?" asked the Bearded One. "I just thought it was tinnitus. But after a while a shrill, homophobic whine caught my attention...apparently that was Michele Bachmann."
One Congressman explained: "We knew that once we had The All Powerful One's attention, we only had small window of opportunity to focus on the things that matter. It's so easy to blow it on World Peace, an End to Hunger or a Cure for Cancer."
"Yes," confirmed God. "I did agree to make The Star-Spangled Banner fire retardant. An odd request, but they seemed really keen.". He went on to apologise. "Upon reflection, I do feel a bit guilty not engaging with my faithful. Since then I've made a concerted effort to listen and I have to say I'm completely on board for this Rapture thingy...what a great idea!"
(Thank you to Lindy for finding the original news article)