After an organisational review the BBC have unveiled a plan to install baldy misshapen Irish comedy wag Dara O'Briain as presenter of almost every single programme on the BBC within 2 years.
“Dara may have the noggin of a badly sculpted Mr Potato Head but the versatile art of making scripted material by a hoard of lowly paid writers seem spontaneous and brilliant, even for shows about the history of the North Circular, is a gift.”
Formally a money saving tactic the corporation are hoping programmes as diverse as gardening, cookery, science, gardening, cookery, current affairs, gardening and even cookery can be made more interesting if presented by O'Briain.
One Regional Head of Programming said “Our viewers may have the attention span of a dollop of congealed rice pudding but the injection of Dara’s trademark hilarious, none-offensive, comedy wit will keep even programmes on the national debt interesting for a least 5 minutes”
O'Briain was not available for comment but did release a statement through his agent: “I errrm am really pleased errrm…something about kittens…errrm...frowny face”
The corporation were keen to point out that there would be exceptions; most wildlife programming will still be hosted by people with speech impediments, strong unintelligible regional accents and Ben Fogle while the One Show will continue to be presented by the usual bunch of total cunts and someone from Wales.