Motorways all over the UK were jammed solid today as the new policy of on-the-spot fines for middle-lane hoggers and tailgaters was implemented.
The Chief Constable of Surrey, Sir Peter Harris, said: 'All our patrol cars are currently on the M25 and M3, and anyone found hogging the middle lane, or tailgating other drivers, has been stopped immediately by our officers. We have to fight our way through the traffic, and then we pull up in front of the offending car to make it stop, so that we can fine them on the spot. Unfortunately this generally means that there is a massive pile-up as others cars crash into the one we've stopped, but that's the price drivers have to pay if they are inconsiderate.
'Anyway, now that all the motorways in the country have come to a complete stop due to the hundreds of crashes, we can now fine everyone in the middle lane, which should make enough money to pay for a fleet of new police cars. Every cloud, eh!'