Education chiefs in the North East have awarded pub chain JD Wetherspoon a contract to provide up to twenty thousand children their daily school dinners, in a move that has angered child health campaigners. The news comes hot on the heels of new contracts for the provision of mini-bars in all British Airways cockpits and the highly controversial reefer lounges in Church of England naves.
"We're over the moon to have the nutritional welfare of so many placed in our palms. Not only will children now be offered a well balanced meal containing their 5-a-day, but they'll also qualify for a free pint of beer with every turkey twizzler meal. They can also benefit from Curry Wednesdays and an international lager festival featuring some of the strongest, lowest priced lagers from Eastern Europe," stated PS Aldernatch, JD Wetherspoon spokesman.
When asked if this contravened laws prohibiting sale of alcohol to minors, Aldernatch replied, "Not as we read it; we're only offering the liquid refreshments to kids on free school meals." When further pushed on the numbers of pupils this represented, he guffawed, "...here in the North East, that's pretty much all of them."
A parents' group spokeperson, Arthur Banes, lashed out saying, "Beer given away in school...what's next, pub pit stops on the motorway? Even the stupidest fuck-heads on the planet know this is a bad idea, don't they?"
In other news, semi-literate, racist agitators, the EDL, have announced another unwelcomed 'march' in the North East. Their website details the location as Sunderlnd's Orchard Garden Primary School dining hall, just after P.E.