As the Humpty Dumpty enquiry draws to a close, the King has said that his horses and men were hopelessly overstretched and in no way up to the task of reassembling an egg that had fallen from a wall onto a hard surface. "Nor did they have the proper training to deal with the disturbing sight of a yolk and other internal organs splattered on the ground," His Majesty admitted. It is believed that at least two of his men are now taking claims for damages due to the distress caused by this experience.
A representative of the local council has admitted that the wall from which the victim fell had never been inspected or given an official accident risk assessment. “To bring it into compliance with Health and Safety laws, it has now been carefully flattened”, he assured the enquiry. He said that it dated from an unenlightened era, when local authorities were less attuned to the needs of vulnerable members of the community with nothing but a half-millimetre-thick shell to protect their vital organs from major trauma.
"We hope to learn from this tragedy", he said. "We're now in the process of setting deadlines and targets to make all our facilities egg-friendly”.
He says plans are also afoot to name a nearby public park after the victim, with a vandal-proof oval plaque in his honour. He unreservedly withdrew his earlier remark that “you can't have an omelette without a great fall off a wall”, saying that it was tasteless and insensitive.