A new dossier written by the government's former spin doctor has graphically depicted, in no uncertain terms, the challenges that lie ahead of the Prime Minister and his cabinet.
The report - Britain the REAL Truth EXCLUSIVE BY ANDY COULSON - promised to lift the lid on the so-called United Kingdom and give a warts'n'all account of the bonks, the bustups and the broken economy. It concludes that Britain may be sleepwalking into a grisly fate (to be punched up later).
Many members of the Cabinet were visibly impressed by the tabloid report presented to them with some flipping straight to the back page, while others rushed to find out what Mystic Meg had predicted for their own career.
The dossier covers a number of key strategic areas on which David Cameron has sought counsel from his chief political advisor. And Coulson pulls no punches in his report which provides in depth analysis of:
The National Health Service
The Welfare State
Law and Order
Britain's Role in the EC
The report calls for a more sensible, grown up debate on the future management of the National Health Service. In a chapter titled Three In a Bed Randy Patient Love Triangle, he offers potential solutions to the bed shortage in hospitals. Other NHS issues are touched on in measured terms in sections titled Naughty Nurses, Dirty Docs, Mercy Dash Ends in Horror Crash, Drug Cheats and Barmy Boffins.
Coulson also appears to take a more liberal stance on the Welfare question, in a report on Dole Bludgers, Benefits Cheats and Work-Shy Rumanian Gypsy Cut-Throats and the Bulgarian Baby Snatchers Who Love Them.
Not everyone in the cabinet reacted well to the dossier. One Eton educated member was unsure what a love triangle was. Another wondered why Britain needed to slap in a transfer request from the EU. But in general, the report went over well. A story about Miss Whiplash laying down the law was particularly well received.
"They may be toffs, but they understand," said one insider, who begged not to be named.