Andy Flower, the manager of the England cricket team, has revealed his new idea for winning the forthcoming Ashes series.
'I've had a lot of meetings with the back room boys,' he said today. 'After that, I went to see some people about cricket. We watched loads of DVDs, and then looked at some cricket ones.
'What they all seem to have in common is that the winning side tends to get more runs than the losing side. Digging deeper, we found that this is done by hitting the ball with the big wooden thing and then running like the clappers, ideally between the 3 stumpy things.
'We also noticed that the men with the ball tried to hit the stumpy things, or catch the ball, and when they did that, the man with the big wooden thing walked off in disgust and refused to come back, so they had to send someone else on in his place.
'Anyway, we've got Phil Tuffnell helping with our bowling. Everyone's smoking his special cigarettes, so we've no idea about what we should be doing. Wake us up when the Aussies are here, man.'