9 AM. A Severe Transgender Weather Watch has been issued for this reporter's Mediterranean island nation (Your Hand is Like Ice, Your Ass is Like a Watermelon) for the hours of 11 AM through 7 PM today.
Island residents, well versed in the risks posed by rainbow season, are reminded to keep visitors inside, as many tourists are unaware of the tradition that passing under a rainbow causes a sex change. Residents should be mindful, however, that a growing number of visitors come here during the lusty month of May for this very purpose.
Over breakfast cocktails with this reporter (local favorite: "Sex Change on the Beach"), weather(wo)man Petra Dishkin admitted that the rainbows are late this year, due to drought conditions. "But that's good for tourism," I reminded him/her. "You can't have rainbows without rain, so sun-worshippers are tickled pink. Meanwhile, trannies-in-transition stay longer than they'd planned, waiting to experience nature's own flip-flop. Who wouldn't prefer going under the rainbow to going under the knife?"
Thanks to residents' vigilance, not a single case of unwanted sex change has been recorded among tourists. Local fishermen, however, have been switching back and forth as long as anyone can remember, and while fish stocks have plummeted, members of fishermen's cooperatives are still swelling.
"Some things just come -- and go -- with the job," says one fisher(wo)man, who prefers to remain anonymous. "It keeps life interesting on long nights at sea. Crew members are rotated regularly, of course, and rules are stiffly enforced. Otherwise, we'd all be exposed to the same weather effects at the same time. Where's the fun in that?"
(Tip of the hat to Dick Everyman, who suggested I write this -- based on a real Turkish tradition I'd mentioned to him. It was soooo hard to resist using Dick's name in the story, but I figured that was member abuse. If anyone has ideas for improvement, have at it!)