Do sudden bouts of clement weather catch you on the hop? That’s no longer a problem with this new gadget – instead of having to plan ahead before Bank Holiday weekends, inviting friends and buying overpriced food that will never get eaten unless the sun comes out, just wheel your Bar-B-Q-Matic out of the shed and let if do the work for you!
Got a secluded garden and neighbours you want to impress? Set the box to the POSH setting and it will spray out occasional wafts of lightly grilled meat aroma and accompany it with the strains of classical music and subdued chatter about the University entrance points system.
But as the temperature soars the settings don’t just end there. Fed up with your neighbours who just enjoying sitting quietly in their garden? Turn the Bar-B-Q-Matic up to POPULAR. The aromas turn to kebabs, the music to Coldplay and the chatter to laughter with the distinct sound of popping corks.
Still haven’t forgiven the people at number 18 for blocking your garage? Then you want the PARTY setting – to which they aren’t invited! The aromas turn pungent, the music to selected tracks from Now 78 and the chatter drowned out by hyper-active kids screaming on a trampoline.
As the sun finally sets, don’t forget the YOU HAVEN’T GOT THE NERVE TO COMPLAIN setting. Wives that haven’t drunk this much for years argue with husbands who “Quite frankly don’t give a shit.” Dense clouds of acrid smoke completely swamp all the gardens around as the kids enact scenes from Lord of the Flies. Then, after a huge tantrum from a 3 year old that should have been in bed 4 hours ago, a relative hush descends broken only by middle-aged men spouting loathsome political views.
Available form all good DIY stores, price £99.99