Question: Who was Darwin?
Answer: Darwin was the talking dolphin on a show called "SeaQuest."
So why are some Americans keen that this one dolphin should get his own holiday, "Darwin Day"? True, sharks get a whole week, but that is on The Discovery Channel. It is NOT a National Holiday. Besides, having a holiday for Darwin just isn't fair. Flipper was more famous. He helped solve crimes and stuff, PLUS he did all his own stunts and he even had to fight sharks all the time. Darwin just swam around in his tank, mostly. Sure, Darwin could talk, but that was becuz of human technology, folks, not dolphin know-how!
So if we are gonna have a holiday for animals, let's just keep Easter Bunny Sunday. We already got one of those.
Now, about the folks who think we should teach about Darwin in the schools. WTF? (FYI, that's short for "What The Fudge?") These folks think Darwin had something to do with the dinosaurs and the cave men who rode them! But that was before Noah's Arch of Triumph, and THE FLOOD that swamped all seven of the Covenants and killed all the dinosaurs (only there was just one big Covenant then, called "Panacea"). After THE FLOOD, the dinosaurs' bodies melted into oil, which sank into the ground. That's when the one big Covenant started breakin' up into littler ones, becuz of floatin' on all the oil. Which is why if we keep on frackin' we don't need to burn whales no more. And dolphins are a kindof whale.*
This is progress, folks, and it is all part of the Intellgent Design designed by the Big Guy Upstairs. He made the dinosaurs so we could melt 'em down to make the V-8 juice for our SUVs. Don't ever forget that!
After showing the U.S. public the above, I did a survey on Intellgent Design, Darwin and Global Warming. Great News! Most Americans "strongly agreed" with this statement:
"When the planet warms up enough from us cookin' the first batch of oil, it will be just the right temperature for a new herd of dinos -- which God gave us the clonin' for. He also gave us the guns, so we can shoot those dinos and melt 'em down again. Which is the circle of life."
*So SAVE THE WHALES. Do not support DARWIN DAY! Frack it!