In an embarrassing turn of events today, Hammersmith’s prestigious St Paul’s school have dragged former pupil George Osborne back for questioning, following an investigation into historic ‘daily’ inaccuracies in the schools’ tuck shop takings. The Chancellor managed the mini-outlet for three terms in 1983
Overseeing Britain’s estimated £700bn annual public spending, the Second Lord of the Treasury is said to have left the Hammersmith school with a trail of ‘daily cockups’ in the tuck shop figures.
‘As a matter of academic principle, we had to recall George back to St Paul’s to discuss the issue’, said Mrs. Hemming, now Deputy Head of the independent school. ‘We always hand the responsibility of the shop to pupils in an effort to help them build a solid understanding of honest trade and money management’, she added.
The tuck shop, that sells a range of crisps, sweets and hearty sandwiches, is now managed by year 8 pupil, Ben Piper. ‘It’s a pretty basic job, I guess’, said the thirteen-year-old. ‘The float is only a tenner. Our most expensive items on sale are the piccalilli sandwiches at £1.10’.
Early reports indicate that there were a total of thirty-six unbalanced cash floats that were, as George’s former mathematics teacher labeled, ‘as balanced as a tight rope walker with vertigo’. In total, an amount of £107.60 has been left completely unaccounted for.
One of the Chancellor’s former classmates, Olivier Thomas, now the schools chief administrator, said, ‘I guess Ozzie did seem a little flustered and rushed at the time. He accidentally over-charged me for a Twizzler on a number of occasions. I think it was the introduction of the Meal Deal that pushed him over the edge’.
The red-faced Chancellor was unavailable for comment..