Just seen today's front page which means this won't run but as I've bloody well written it now I'm posting it anyway:
The dozens who flocked to enjoy the annual model aeroplane spectacular at Lincoln Aerodrome have described scenes of horror and several have asked for their money back.
“New faces are always welcome,” explained Jeffrey McGregor, Secretary of Lincoln Aeromodellers Club. “So when this chap called Hank turned up with a very realistic model of a military drone we were, at first, delighted.”
Delight was short-lived once the 1-1 scale drone was airborne. “None of us could get our radio controls to work properly once that thing was in the sky buzzing about,” Jeffrey continued. “So I went over to Hank to ask what frequency he was on. I shouldn’t normally have to ask because we all put a colour-coded pennant on our antennas. But his antenna was about 90 foot tall and my eyes are not that good.
“I tapped on the door of his winnebago but he didn’t open it. So I looked through the window and don’t know who was flying the ’plane at the time because I could see him in there just watching TV.
“When I got back I noticed the runway was severely pock-marked.”
“The mayor and mayoress always look forward to our Battle of Britain fly-past of one-sixth scale Lancaster, Spitfire and Hurricane - but this weekend they had to make do with a Sopwith Camel, one-tenth scale P-56 Mustang and a Cessna 360. Before they could get off the ground, the Lanc and the British fighters had been reduced to matchwood by that thing. Come to think of it, the Lanc started out as matchwood.”
“We finally got Hank to bugger off by telling him about the vintage military vehicle Jamboree up at the village. Now I’m feeling guilty because I’ve been told that led to quite a severe loss of life.”