Like modern day super-heroes, our plucky boys in denim – The English Defense League – took to the streets to do battle with the subtle forces of incongruity and contrariness. Once more Britain’s streets were made safe by the EDL’s valiant effort to tie up valuable police resources and man-power.
At the merest hint that someone from “not round ‘ere” might be vaguely up to no good (and in the absence of a mid-week Champion’s League fixture), the EDL sprang into action. Not waiting to be troubled by cultural nuances, political ramifications or by any facts, they descended on the locale of an alleged “terrorist” attack like rabid lemmings.
Outside The Queen’s Arms Pub, hurling glass bottles, the EDL quickly ensured that the police were unable to investigate the earlier crime. “This is all part of a concerted effort to improve public services,” explained the Deputy Leader of the EDL, Kevin Carroll. “We also propose to destroy local hospitals to lower waiting times, vandalize fire-engines to stop this criminal waste of water and attack off-duty servicemen before the filthy Islamists do it first!”
Mr. Caroll had previously come 4th in the 2012 election for Bedfordshire Police and Crime Commissioner. At the time this was seen as an innovative way to reduce crime by electing criminals. In the same year EDL members were filmed giving Nazi salutes during the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, to celebrate the efforts of our WW2 veterans. In January 2013, the (then) EDL leader, Stephen Lennon was jailed for using a false passport in order to combat illegal immigrants.
Tommy Robinson, an EDL co-founder, said: “These terrorists just want publicity for their cause. I’m pleased to see that the British Media in no way gave into these scum by providing 24/7 blanket coverage.”