NewsBiscuit can exclusively reveal that previously confidential plans for David Cameron to join the Labour party will be made public within the next few days.
In a prepared statement he will announce that "There are fewer people who disagree with my policies and my leadership in the Labour party than in the Conservative party, especially out in the constituencies and among party workers. The Labour party were also far more supportive of my stance on homosexual marriage than the Conservative party, as was demonstrated so vivdly in recent parliamentary votes."
"Furthermore, there are fewer swivel-eyed people in the Labour party - in fact, just the one" he continued. "As for policies: the Labour party has no policies which conflict with mine. Well, no policies and at all at present apparently, so I am sure they will be delighted to accept any which I bring with me."
If asked about what effect this would have on his leadership, Mr Cameron will say "None, really - many MPs have changed party without resigning the their seat, and there is no reason why that should not also apply to the office of Prime Minister. Besides, not-particularly-conficdential sources have indicated that the Labour party would not be averse to the appointment of a different leader anyway before the next general election. And since the next government will in any case invevitably be another coalition with the Liberal Democrats and therefore inhibited from doing any real governing at all, it won't actually matter very much which party I am leader of."
[Good punchline needed here] The best I can offer is 'Regarding the views of the present leadership of the Labour party, Mr Ed Balls was unavailable for comment.'