A man who asked Google to help him find a moral framework has reported an incredible run of bad luck with the search engine.
The ordeal started when the Tommy Jones turned to the Internet in a moment of despair. Having finally decided there's no God, Jones anxiously looked for something else he could believe in. After rejecting football, politics and David Bowie, he decided that technology seemed to be the fastest growing mass movement. He decided to give Google a try and began to interrogate the search engine, desperate for enlightenment.
But his questions about morality and social living all went unanswered. A simple inquiry "How should we contribute to society" returned no results. An open query fared no better. A more specified query Search Google.co.uk "What's the point of taking and never giving back" was met with a completely unexpected response. A man rang Jones doorbell and said "Dont stick your nose into Google's affairs. We know where you fucking live buddy".
"I'd expected a few teething problems getting into technology," says Jones, "all cults take a bit of getting used to. But the cult of Google seems, well, pretty unpleasant I must say."
A spokesman for Google say Mr Jones' problems are now over, as tomorrow he is going to die unexpectedly. "I never met him, but I know he was keen on gardening, had financial problems and was being prescribed medicines for stress," said Tim Niceguy, Google's UK PR manager.