In an attempt to control costs while maintaining a "healthy" childcare ratio, Prime Minister David Cameron announced that the UK intends to lead the world in intensive battery raised toddlers.
Conservative Education Minister Liz Truss explained how the system would work: "Each toddler, up to the age of 4, will be in connecting cages sharing common divider walls. There will be a grain feeder above their heads and a conveyor belt beneath, to remove soiled nappies".
"Yes, there will be some inevitable problems with flies and the odd incident of cannibalism," she conceded. "But for the most part the threat of maceration by the high speed grinder should keep the little darlings in check."
"Parent's can also recoup some of the childcare costs by enrolling their son or daughter on our chimney cleaning initiative. What we have leant from decades of Tory policy in relation to the hospitals, job centres, graveyards or even football stadiums - packing them in is always the safest policy."
Mr. Cameron has said the coalition will "find a way forward" creating quality affordable childcare with agricultural techniques. "Too many parents are struggling and quite frankly, we need the eggs."