Announcing their online grocery delivery service, Morrisons today said that their goods will be delivered in a fleet of old East German Trabants.
Spokesperson Alison Horsman said: 'It is important for our customers to know who is making the delivery, so that they don't think it's Waitrose or Ocado. Besides, if their neighbours thought they were getting something posh, they might start shouting at them in the street.
'So we've bought a fleet of old Trabants, given a load of paint to a troop of monkeys and let them get on with re-decorating the vehicles. And we've got a few people who managed to avoid going to school to write a version of "Morrisons" on the side.
'All of our delivery drivers have been chose the same we select all our staff - we make sure they are bored, unhappy and unable to string more than a couple of words together.
'And to make our customers' experience complete, our online payment system has been created by the same people who made our self-service checkouts. On that basis, no-one will be able to pay for anything anyway.'