Josh MacAlister, chief executive of Frontline, was pleased to announce a new scheme which would allow graduate Social Workers to cut out the protracted year on year “helping the vulnerable in a meaningful way” and move straight to the career stage of habitual “depression and drug use”.
The Government’s very own idiot savant, Education Secretary Michael Gove, approved funding for a pilot of 100 “volunteers”. Mr. Gove explained: “The "Frontline" scheme aims to do just that, give candidates firsthand experience of frontline combat, with all the ensuing post-traumatic disorders and stress related cardiomyopathy.”
After a five-week “taster course”, these students will be air-dropped, naked, into Britain’s Inner Cities. There, without access to any support, they will have to fend for themselves by competing for food with urban foxes.
Mr. MacAlister was quick to address concerns that these students may be somewhat exposed: “Too often Social Workers are bogged down with helping the weakest in society, transforming lives and generally holding our community together. We want to enable aspiring professionals to get to experience regular physically and verbally abuse as soon as possible. Most social workers can only dream of being publically crucified by a pernicious Media and a litigious population. We can now make that living nightmare a reality.”
If successful, this scheme will be rolled out to include other public sector workers. Nurses will have their peanut allowance cut by 50%. Teachers will be outsourced to the private sector to teach Latin vocab. While all Police Officers will automatically receive cash payments from News International.