Prime Minster David Cameron was less than amused to discover, opening his daily Newsbiscuit, that his home had be ransacked by an opportunistic group of “ne'er-do-wells”. Instead of relaxing on a well-earned break with his friends the Obamas; Mr. Cameron has had to make frantic calls to his insurers.
The carnage at Number 10 had been quickly uploaded by tweeting revellers and had been “trending” all night long. Twenty four hours earlier, Deputy Prime Minister Clegg (who was supposed to be “looking after the place”) had naively sent out a Facebook invitation to his three remaining Lib Dem friends. The intended party soon spiralled out of control, after word spread on Facebook and Twitter, attracting an angry crowd of 116 Tory MPs.
Rooms were ripped to pieces, offensive graffiti on the walls, doors were torn from their hinges and shelves were pulled down with their contents scattered around. Rumours on Twitter suggested a Parliamentary Secretary had been flushed down a toilet and that Eurosceptic MP John Baron had defecated on a bed. Mr. Clegg was eventually discovered bound and gagged; locked in a filing cabinet with a daffodil clenched between both buttocks.
Metropolitan Police said no one was injured at the party but were quick to point the finger of blame at high-spirited euro-sceptics “off their t*ts on cheap cider”. Witnesses at the party claimed Conservative MP James Wharton was found face down in a pool of his own vomit, with the word “twat” etched across his forehead in permanent marker. While Nadine Dorries MP was last seen heading off behind the potting shed, offering to take it both ways from UKIP & the Tory voters
(thanks for the headline suggestion btw)