David Cameron has today announced that they will be reinstating their plan for plain cigarette packaging in an attempt to improve the quality of Conservative party policies.
'Sod the health of the nation' he blustered. 'This is about ensuring that there's a bit more room for us to draw up our plans on the back of a fag packet. At the moment it's quite hard to do - it's a struggle to find much space on a packet to jot down any policies what with all those warnings and pictures of diseased lungs. Plain white packets would give us much more room to come up with Queen's Speeches and Budgets that we don't need to backtrack on almost instantly. And we wouldn't have scrapped our plan for plain packaging in the first place if we'd had plain packaging to draw up the plan on.'
Labour leader Ed Miliband criticised the idea however, whining 'Can you imagine us, New Labour, coming up with any policies on the back of a fag packet? Actually, sorry, I should have said, "Can you imagine us, New Labour, coming up with any policies?".'