A steeper-than-expected rise in US shale oil reserves means that there is now a very real threat of a U.S. led invasion on U.S. soil. Pentagon chiefs have already identified local targets, as part of an elaborate plan entitled "Operation: Grab the black gold mwhahahaha!"
The U.S. will be "all but self-sufficient" in its energy needs by about 2035. Thus the global balance of power between new and existing producers, is shifting from OPEC to the U.S. The current President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, responded by saying: "Jeeez, seriously?" he sighed. " We've spent the last 10 years building thousands of bomb shelters all over Tehran. Do you know how much sand we've had to shift?"
Critics of shale oil say the cost to the environment is too large. "Not as large as the damage we'll do with our army of Drones," explained a gleeful General Martin E. Dempsey, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. "We've got some seriously powerful weapons that we've been stockpiling over the years. Hell, we've still got 5000 nukes just gathering dust!
British Foreign Secretary, William Hague, admits this may cause some confusion internationally: "In 1953 we collaborated with the U.S. in a coup d'état against Iranian Prime Minister Mohammad Mossadegh. It's quite possible that in 2013 President Obama may ask us to support covert action against the Obama administration. Tricky. We want to stand shoulder to shoulder with Mr. Obama but we also want to stand side by side with President Obama. That's a lot of shoulders and sides."
The Carter Doctrine, established the use military force in the "national interest"; while former U.S. President George W. Bush identified imported oil dependence as "national security concern"; and now finally President Obama has made it clear: "With a defense budget of $711 billion we're going to open up a can of whoop-arse on those Yankee MoFos! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"