Newsbiscuit "like the Marie Celeste" as updates dwindle
The eerie calm that has means almost no movement on the Newsbiscuit front page could have a sinister explanation: A mass kidnapping of Newsbicuit sub editors and executives, who, according to police sources "may be being held in Harold against their will, and unable to communicate through their own outlet."
Visitors to Harold have noticed "fixed grins" on the faces of prominent Haroldians, as if they are trying to remain normal while hiding a terrible secret. Meanwhile, the hardware shop Haroldware Hardware has run out of rope and the kind of gaffer tape often associated with gagging victims of crime on ITV.
Scotland Yard, however, said the stories of a kidnap motivated by competitive satire were "baseless", but critics of the police said the fact that the famous revolving Scotland Yard sign was changing direction every twelve minutes was an attempt to divert attention from the allegations.