With the Tories split on Europe even wider than a Moulin Rouge chorus line dancing the can-can, Labour supremo, Ed Miliband, is about to announce a raft of hardline election pledges.
In a speech to Derby car workers tomorrow, he will say that he'll fight, fight and fight again to save the British sauces he loves. Then he'll pour scorn on German spaetzle sauce before warning Angela Merkel to expect plenty of British made Worcestershire and HP sauce when she visits 10 Downing Street after the next general election.
Later he will fly to Droitwich where he'll assure housewives that a Labour government will ring-fence the price of tomato sauce. Telling them he's a pretty straight sort of guy who feels the hand of God on his shoulder, Miliband will reveal allergies to French véloute and béchamel sauce before handing out copies of a recipe for his mother's onion sauce. “Ask me my three main priorities for government and I will tell you they're sauce, sauce and sauce,” he'll tell local businessmen over a fish, chip and Doncaster sauce supper.