A Cumbrian Yew tree, which is in no way embroiled in the on-going Yewtree operation, has found itself at the centre of a similar yet very different scandal.
The incident occurred when a twelve year old boy was passing the one thousand year old Yew and heard a strange noise emanating from within the tree. As the boy moved towards the tree's hole or cavity, a family of fourteen Owls emerged at high speed hitting him in the face one after another. After the barrage of owls left him concussed on the ground, a single squirrel emerged and made away with a bag of salted peanuts which had fallen from his pocket in the tumult.
The tree itself is no stranger to the limelight after a fleeting appearance as a background extra in a 1976 episode of Blue Peter in which it is reported Petra, the Blue Peter dog of the time, used the tree as a makeshift toilet territorially marking the tree forever.
There are several theories of how the tree came to propel the owls’ at such a high speed. The frontrunner of which being that Petra engaged in a lewd act with the tree due to years of probable abuse. In turn this caused the tree to develop a deep resentment of dogs and their best friend, boy. The theory from within academic circles is that a localised tornado occurred within the partially hollowed tree forcing out all its inhabitants in a dizzy flutter. Others believe the owls’ simply attempted to fly away and did not expect a boy shaped obstacle.
Blame is being firmly laid in the Yew tree's hole and despite several onlookers stating the boy provoked the tree with airborne peanuts it seems the tree will face the axe as a result of the controversy.
John Powell of the Cumbrian council was irritated at the recent turn of events.
“If it was any other tree it would have been fine, children regularly fall to their death from a variety of trees and we merely hold gravity responsible and send the grieving family a nice bunch of Trumpet Lilies. Due to the acts of numerous perverse individuals the name of our precious Yew has been sullied indelibly” He told a local newspaper.