Men under the age of 40 are to receive breakthrough ear wax transplant treatment through the NHS in an attempt to reduce the burgeoning UK divorce rate.
Recent studies, commissioned by a Conservative think tank, have shown that excessive ear cruft, combined with natural hair growth, are a major contributory factor in long-lasting marriages. Megan Hart, lead author for one of the studies, says that the revelation led to an obvious solution.
"We take wax deposits from the recently deceased and ram them down the ear canal of the recipient," she explains. "The excruciating pain is only temporary and brings almost instant relationship changes."
One anonymous recipient commented: "Until now I've had to feign repeated ear infections to mask my usual male ignorance, and blocking out the stereotypical incessant nagging is almost impossible. This treatment is great!" He was unable to recall what his wife thought about it.
Work is underway to improve the process, with plans to include hair scrapings and accumulated insect matter in the transplants.