Suspicion surrounds the death of Buttercup, the first female chimp to sit behind the big curtain on the New York Stock exchange trading floor and press random buttons to control share prices, as autopsy reports revealed unusually high levels of potassium in her blood.
Mark Pye, lead agent for the FBI stated ‘Initial reports suggested a cardiac arrest was responsible for Buttercup’s death, but upon further investigation this may have been caused by potassium poisoning. We now have a task force to investigate whether any foul play was indeed at hand.’
While Mr Pye refused to be drawn on rumours of Buttercup’s playgirl lifestyle; details emerged of her sometimes secretive private life.
‘There was talk she was still in bed, literally, with the Russians.’ Stated Nijel Thorpe a Wall Street Trader. ‘While she was supposed to be fed only 3 bananas a day she was often seen with maybe 5 or even 6 at once and wore a replica Chelsea Football shirt on ‘Casual Friday’, even though she was supposedly a huge New York Giants fan.’
The employment of Buttercup to sit behind the big curtain on the New York Stock exchange trading floor and press random buttons to control share prices in 2008 was controversial, as she had originally been a present to the USA from Vladimir Putin in the wake of 9/11 and a sign of growing political warmth between the two nations.
‘Our original Russian paranoia subsided over the last 10 months as the economy started to right itself but after this, well who knows.’ Continued Mr Thorpe
A source at the Waldorf Hotel, that wished to remain anonymous said ‘For the last two weeks she had been staying overnight in the room that I knew a rich billionaire Russian Oligarch had booked through lastminute.com. I’d even delivered a banana daiquiri to the room on one occasion. The evening before she died she was in and out within an hour and was really angry when she got into her limo. We even had to pick up a lump of shit from the foyer that she’d hurled furiously on her departure. She made quite a stir. I didn’t know who she was until I saw her picture in the obituary page of the NY Times yesterday morning.
Dow Jones was 35 points up on the news while NYSE composite recovered with a 0.8% rise