Anonymous sources from deep within the Labour Party have reluctantly confirmed that leader, Ed Miliband, is forever risking life and limb to rescue maidens in distress.
Fearless Ed has previously drawn a discreet veil over his extra-curricular activities as a heroic lifesaver. But following yesterdays dramatic rescue of an attractive young cyclist, graphic details are beginning to emerge that speak of hundreds more acts of bravery performed by the valiant leader.
Amongst his most gallant feats, last month Miliband dived off Westminster Bridge to save a pregnant British born nurse who had accidentally fallen in whilst learning to jet-ski. Earlier the same week, whilst out walking in Parliament Square, he came upon a giant of a man who was subjecting a dear old granny to a violent mugging. Miliband smote the bully to the ground with a well-aimed punch to his jaw and then personally escorted the delighted victim back to her sheltered accommodation in Pimlico.
On another occasion, last weekend as it happens, Miliband was half way through his 20 mile daily jog when he heard the plaintive cry of a woman in distress. Looking up, his eagle eye spotted a young lady in peril high in a tree. The girl, named by a Labour activist as Miss Y from Middlesex, had successfully rescued her runaway Burmese kitten but had then slipped and impaled her ankle on a sharp twig.
Within seconds, the intrepid Mr M sprang into action. He threw off his best jacket, rolled-up his sleeves and then easily scaled the mighty oak. Upon which he released the injured limb with a single thrust of his trusty penknife - before throwing the injured girl over his shoulder, grasping the terrified pussy cat in his teeth and finally returning everyone back to ground level and safety. “So I plan how to save the economy and rescue women on a daily basis,” said modest Miliband today. “That's hardly worth making a fuss about.”
In related news, the Conservative Party today corrected rumours that the Prime Minister has successfully rescued a second ewe from an Oxfordshire swamp. “It was an escaped lion from a nearby zoo,” said an irate spokesman.