Speaking today to BBC executives the Secretary of State voiced his frustration about the lack of historical depth in the “Mr Men” syllabus. Furthermore he expressed concerns about the general “dumbing down” of Cbeebies and pandering to an almost child-like audience.
Concerned that Balamory has given rise to Scottish nationalism, Mr. Gove insisted that history must be taught in chronological order. “We need a linear curriculum, which starts with Noggin the Nog and ends with the Clangers”
In response Kay Benbow, Channel Controller, said “British industry is lacking in graduates willing to study Science with Nina and the Neurons or Modern Languages with Rastamouse”. Ms. Benbow pointed to the crumbling rail infrastructure of Chuggington. “We need more engineers like Bob the Builder.”
The Russell Group has already stated a preference for a return to a “Muffin the Mule” style of classroom delivery and something involving a wet nurse. The Secretary for State had previously supported the Creationist approach adopted in Waybuloo and the Teletubby abstinence initiative - “Say No to Po”. However, Mr. Gove still felt standards were slipping: “Our children are being educated by the under qualified on “I can cook” or without a clear CRB certificate hence “Grandpa in my pocket”.