Twenty-two year old Lloyd Anthony Banks, the first bad person to die in a car crash ever, died early this morning in a car crash after his Ford Focus hit a tree at high speed following a collision with a fuel tanker on the A15 near Sleaford.
On hearing the news former high school classmate Tom Kelly reacted in a manner seemingly typical of those who had known Mr. Banks, saying,
"Really? Good. I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire."
When it was pointed out to Mr. Kelly that the victim had actually been on fire he confirmed that, had he been at the scene, he "most definitely would not have pissed on him, despite the fact he was on fire."
As Lloyd's mother and two sisters set about digging up and removing any flowers they could find growing at the scene, the driver of the fuel tanker expressed his relief at being able to walk away from the crash with only minor injuries,
"I thought my number was up - scared the life out of me it did. Still, rather him than me - I only saw his face for a split second but he looked like a right twat."