In a scene eerily similar to the recent FBI rescues in Ohio, Greater Manchester Police confirmed that a seventy one year old man was held for "decades" in a house on Moss Side.
Restrained with golden ropes and chains, it is believed that this same bewildered geriatric is the same "Alex Chapman Ferguson" who went missing in 1986 with "Archie Knox". Although in good condition "considering the circumstances", Mr. Ferguson is almost unintelligible and has been unable to reveal many details of his imprisonment or the grisly "trophy" room he was found in.. Photographs of the missing Alex Ferguson show an innocent, young, smiling face; a startling contrast to the snarling curmudgeon we see today.
Neighbours were alerted when they heard screaming at linesmen and the kicking of football boots, coming from within the property. " I was just off to bed," said one neighbour. "but for some reason I stayed up listening for another ten minutes. If it wasn't for that extra time, I don't know what would have happened."
Police and Crime Commissioner, Tony Lloyd, explained: "There had been previous sightings of a naked, red-nosed individual wearing nothing but a red and white scarf crawling across the back yard....but that's fairly standard in Moss Side."
It is now believed that Mr. Ferguson was forced into "multiple-pregnancies" to produce new generations of "Busby babes". When discovered Mr Ferguson was already suckling a hairy wolf-child called "Ryan". Police confirm that the Glazer family are being questioned over accusations of kidnapping and money laundering.
Worryingly reports of a missing Portuguese man in the Manchester area are already starting to surface.