The Ministry of Transport is to use string theory to relieve congestion on the M25 orbital motorway. According to an official, the small number of dimensions available in classical physics is a major contributory factor in traffic jams.
"Under classical theory", said a spokesman, "only three other dimensions are available when trying to move forwards. Of these, up and down are difficult to use due to the high cost of burrowing under tarmac or the danger of hitting a bridge. Left and right are currently favourite, but even left leaves drivers open to accusations of 'undertaking'. The last option, time, only moves in one direction and simply waiting for other cars to get out of the way rather defeats the point."
"However with string theory there are ten dimensions so instead of being limited to the current four lanes, each lane would be navigable in each of the new dimensions meaning that, in theory, it will be possible to leave Redhill at 4pm and arrive home at Potters Bar in time for tea."