In a move which has surprised the general public but has been an open secret in Westminster and the wider entertainment industry for some time, former Secretary of State for Trade and Industry Norman Tebbit has been selected to represent his countries in next year's Eurovision contest.
"It's a very unusual move", said Graham Norton, BBC Eurovision Host, "as normally there is a decent period of mourning before next year's act is picked, but hey ho, that's the kind of effect this guy has on people". It is thought that the BBC have decided to give the Enfield Baron the nod on the back of the resurgence in his notoriety following the death of Margaret Thatcher.
Although early days his song has already been written by Nigel Farage, along a theme harking back to the Golden Era of Eurovision and the British Empire "Badda Bing, Ding a Bing Bong". It's thought that his stage act will include a short appearance by a semi-trained polecat. When questioned by reporters yesterday as to whether the reports were true, Baron Tebbit replied somewhat enigmatically, in a cod Dutch accent not heard since the heyday of the Fast Show, "Who knowsch for schure, but I will schay 'ON WITH THE MUSCHIC!!!!'".