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Following a Europe-wide ban on neonicotinoids, bees are to be offered patches to help them cope with withdrawal.
Representatives of the pharmaceuticals industry have complained that other devices, specially adapted for the bee community, such as e-cropsprayers, were not considered for the EU subsidies.
Neonicotinoids have been widely blamed for falling bee productivity, but were the drug of choice amongst sections of the bee community and said to be notable for an excellent buzz.
Thanks, Gerontius. Slap up some ideas! I'm too distracted by my actual work.
I was thinking about ecologists concerned about stigmatising addicted bees, creating a black market. Or a worker bee saying "It's the only pleasure I've left in life"... but I can't focus enough to pull it together.
Yes, great idea. A few more thoughts:
Concern about bees also putting on weight as a consequence?
Don't beekeepers use smoke to calm the bees down when opening the hives? Maybe they will be forced to give them chewing gum instead.
How about a punchline linking this to the remote-controlled drones story?
5* for the headline alone - really worth bulking this one out for a NiB or more...
Alright, how's this?:
Following a Europe-wide ban on neonicotinoids, bees are to be offered patches to help them cope with withdrawal.
The patches are part of the “Bee Strong” campaign targeting worker bees through hard-hitting adverts and hive support groups. A telephone helpline will be advertised with the slogan “Give us a buzz”.
An EU spokesman said: “Bees are an unusual demographic for a public health campaign, but we’ll be producing advertising in the ultraviolet spectrum, which we know has proved successful in the past, and combining this with experience producing road safety and smoking cessation campaigns in the human sphere. Adverts will probably feature a dead bee. Possibly several, depending on the outcome of focus groups.”
Though applauded by the Confederation of Queen Bees, the prohibition is not expected to be welcomed across the bee world. One worker bee said: "It's the only pleasure I've left in life. Never did me no harm. Show me the way to go home!..."
Other objections have been raised, notably by the farming equipment industry, who have complained that other devices, such as placebo crop-sprayers, were not considered for the EU subsidies. Ecologists have spoken of nightmare scenarios around an emergent black market in neonicotinoids and gangster bees armed with sting-guns and wearing very small fedoras.
Neonicotinoids have been widely blamed for falling bee productivity, but were the drug of choice amongst sections of the bee community and said to be notable for an excellent buzz.
Bees getting a buzz of neonicotinoids is not only unavoidable it is simple genius. Have you got enough stars yet?
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