Privacy campaigners around the world reacted with horror yesterday when it was revealed that waste companies had been collecting confidential information in dustcarts, and storing it in large holes in the ground.
'We're flabbergasted, quite frankly,' said a senior moaning bore from some humourless, self-important campaign group. 'We've become used to minor breaches of privacy, but the idea that vehicles have been passing right outside our houses and collecting confidential data is shocking. It's even worse to know that it's all been carefully stored in a so-called landfill site, where anyone with the right know how, an infinite amount of time and a pathological obsession could glean tiny and unimportant fragments of information about our lives, such as the fact that we haven't paid our gas bill on time or that our gym is trying to get us to upgrade to gold membership.
Governments responded to pressure from tedious, small minded idiots and hastily rushed into action. Any waste company found to be collecting private information and burying it in holes in the ground will now be subject to immediate beheading of all personnel. 'The collection of private data sent out into the street by careless householders is a clear violation of the right of citizens to have their stupidity and carelessness rewarded at every opportunity. By making an example of such companies, we can encourage everyone to be even more careless with their data than they already are.'
A spokesman for one waste company said 'Oh, yes, we hold our hands up to it entirely. People should be able to throw whatever they like into the street and expect other people to diligently sort through it and interpret their intentions. We humbly apologise for collecting everyone's rubbish and brazenly storing in a hole.'