In a new measure to meet the government's deadlines in speeding the nation's economic recovery, Iain Duncan Smith announced today that children are to give back their toys. "In my experience, children have far too many toys," he said at a press briefing. "They don't need them all and by giving them back, they will be engaged at a formative age in the reality of austerity. It will do them good."
The Department for Business, Innovation and Skills (formerly MiniTrade) endorsed the idea as "extremely valuable", saying that the recovered toys can be shipped to Central European countries where there's a massive demand for non-essential items and they'll fetch a good price.
According to draft plans being drawn up by the Department for Work and Pensions, every household on benefits will receive a special sack for the toys, to be collected by DWP employees dressed as Santa. Each household will also receive a bowl to leave out for Santa's reindeer, into which children are to put their sweets and empty their piggy banks.
A DWP spokesperson confirmed that the plans will affect only children of families drawing benefits. "The wealthy make a valuable contribution to society and their children deserve all the toys they get."