Today marks the start of the government’s scheme to consolidate the benefits of double barrelled names into a universal single barrelled name for those on benefits.
Initially affecting new claimants in Ashton-under-Lyne, or Ashton as it is now known to those shirkers, it will eventually be rolled out to millions of claimants across the country.
“Why should people who have worked hard all their lives to earn their double barrelled name have to sit back and watch as those on benefits get the advantages of a double barrelled name while sitting at home watching Jeremy Kyle.” said a spokesman at the Department of Work and Pensions.
Mr Duncan-Smith, the work and pensions secretary, said the new system was about changing people. After sniggering to himself about the future rolling out of the barrel change, he continued “Those true brits, like me, who have been unemployed and had to live hand to mouth, have earned our extra names.”
“I know that there is great support in the country for these changes. Talking to voters on the doorstep, the message comes through loud and clear. I have been told time and time again that I deserve both barrels.”