US President Barack Obama has vowed a "vigorous investigation" into reports that exiled Daenerys Targaryen has used incendiary "dragons", warning they will be a "game changer" for the HBO series if proven true.
Both the US and UK audiences have seen emerging evidence that the Queen Across the Sea has been willing to go beyond her bi-curious antics to regain the Iron Throne. Footage has surfaced online of alleged victim, Kraznys mo Nakloz being attacked by a dragon. The victim frothed at the mouth and according to one viewer: "He was totally toast, dude!"
Mr Obama speaking from the White House. "Clearly this is an attempt by the author to finish off a series that has quite frankly taken too long to write. Conventional narratives have been replaced by weapons of HBO." The President continued: "Seriously George, when are you going to finish this series. You are not a well looking man. Seriously, finish."
Despite a Dragon no-fly zone the UN report last month, at least 76% of all 18-35 males have been subdued with this stable diet of exposed nipples and gratuitous decapitation. George R.R. Martin has denounced the allegations as "lies".
Leading the rebel Baratheon forces, Tyrion Lannister was heard to exclaim: "Are you kidding me? I'm holding King's Landing together with duct tape! My father hates me, I have a homicidal maniac for a nephew and my incestuous siblings are incompetent. How am I expected to save a city under siege. Under siege from dragons? What the hell! Jeez...can someone get me my sword...it's on the top shelf? Come on...up there...there...I can't reach it."