Controversial cleric Abu Qatada was today sensationally snatched by a heavily-armed crack SAS squad in a dawn swoop for planning major terror attacks on the English language.
Mr Qatada first came to national attention because of his extreme hatred of the letter ‘u’ being inserted after ‘q’ in the English language, especially in the word ‘Mosque’, campaigning for the spelling to be changed to ‘Mosq’.
He secretly tried to indoctrinate stupid loners into visiting libraries, bookshops and newsagents across the UK to remove all ‘Q’ entries from dictionaries and to black out the letter ‘u’ when it followed ‘q’ in words in newspapers and magazines with felt pens.
Thanks to alert library staff, only a few dictionaries were vandalised, saving the taxpayer thousands of pounds.
Using the latest techniques, intelligence experts were able to smash the terrorist ring and seize the crazed mastermind.
Home Secretary Theresa May quipped: “Without question, the quite queer Mr Qatada is first in the queue of undesirables who need to quickly quit the UK and the Queen agrees with me.”
Burqa-clad Iraqi rebels based in Qatar burned a Union Jack, danced, screamed and fired guns in the air as a show of support for Mr Qatada.
“There should be no ‘u’ after ‘q’!” shouted a grotesque fanatical spokesperson.
Shortly after, the terror camp was destroyed by a drone missile, everything was back to ‘normal’ and everyone lived happily ever after.