Government Ministers today put the case for environmental reform, saying that nature is ‘outdated’ and is sponging off the hard-working taxpayer.
Addressing a small audience of stunned ecologists, David Cameron announced an inquiry into the environment. He said: “It has been 10,000 years since the last review of the natural world and it is high time for reform. The taxpayer deserves a new and better deal.
“Some plants – ‘trees’ – live up to 800 years and that without working a single day or contributing a single penny in tax for their whole lives. And they can have any number of dependents – whole ecosystems of skiving, idle bio-mass – and it will not do.
“We will await the findings of the inquiry, but clearly a warmer, less leafy environment offers considerable benefits to the retail sector, and an atmosphere comprising considerably more carbon dioxide would benefit manufacturing and other industries.”