Flobster Soddov, 59, Hyde Park One-based mushy-pea Tsar who owns 30% of Boris Johnson, has topped the Sunday Bungle's ranking of the wealthiest people in Britain with a personal fortune of £13 Squillions, (nett, before Bedroom Tax). Soddov, who made his first quadrillion from the open-cast Stroganoff pits around Volgograd, recently awarded himself a Golden Mammoth’s Tusk for pushing back the frontiers of rampant corruption on a truly global scale.
Scrabble high-roller and uni-vowel Zy Zxwov weighs-in next with a gross £11 billion but curry-magnate Garam ‘Phlegm’ Masala has slipped down the pan this year; disappearing right round the U-bend. Highest placed British-born rich bastard was Duke Bollinger of Kensington-Darling who owns everything you can see from the top of the London Eye. Another local lad ‘done-good’ is Sir Branston Pickle who has shot up to a deserved 19th place after selling Bermuda, two more Away-Day returns and an in-flight bag of pork-scratchings.
Everyone in this year’s Top 100 list of billionaires is now eight times richer than they ever dreamed they could get away with. Recent rumours of possible ‘belt-tightening’ and ‘burden-sharing’ were greeted with howls of derision in Mayfair and anyway, under the Elbow-room provisions of the government’s proposed new Financial Cleansing & Property Extensions Bill, anyone who pays Income Tax will shortly be evicted from the area bounded by the M25. So there. Get over it.