Silicon Valley - Apple, the world's largest company, have repackadged and renamed a fistfull of products in an attempt to boost it's stagnant market in New Zealand.
Steve Wozniak,Co-founder of Apple and also known as 'Woz' has admitted that serious changes needed to be made to Apple products to make them more marketable to Australia's 'little sister'.
The Changes will include a renaming of the hugely successful IPad to the EYE-Pid, the Iphone to the EYE-fone and the Imac into EYE-Mc in a move described by Woz as a geniuine attempt to break down the language barriers that exist between New Zealand and the rest of the world.
"Whenever New Zealanders hear the rest of the world talking about these products, they just don't have a clue what we're on about. To them, a pen is a pin and a pin is a pin, it's all pretty confusing from their perspectives and ours. We're leading the way in a global effort to get New Zealand in line with the rest of the world." He was quoted as saying from his California home, also known as the 'Ipad'.
Although some sceptics disagree: "It's not going to have any effect on the New Zealand market whatsoever." Said Hakiti Haukiwaho, which in Maori means wind. "We have only just invented the wheel, we're not ready for products that require a form of energy other than just the turning of a cog."
And the grass-skirted, shell wearing Haka singer could be right. According to the latest research by the UN, New Zealand has absolutely no electricity, let alone phone lines or, heaven(rangi in Maorian) forbid, the internet.
"Ever since Captain Cook invented New Zealand, there have been, well, no other inventions since." Tony Blair has said beneath that overloaded mouth of teeth that has become his trademark ever since being accused of being a war criminal.
"What we really need to do is send over the Royal Navy and invade it again, set up a government with contacts with large global corporations until a democratic government can be voted in by the people, although we may need the help of the US to achieve it." His proposal being so that the people of New Zealand can have access to the modern day technologies the rest of the world take for granted. "You've seen The Lord of the Rings," He beamed, "Those people still live in holes in the ground and don't wear shoes." Although he did admit that they had some spectacular mountains and were able to produce some amazing magic tricks.
As a last ditch effort Steve Wozniac said he was even prepared to change his nickname, "Some people think that Woz means the wizard of Oz, but I'm not a wizard of Australia," In a move close sources described as an attempt to appease the wizards that do live in New Zealand. "Not only am I not the wizard of Australia, I've never been to the land down under and have had nothing to do with the country before." Although he did admit to liking Men at Work, Midnight Oil, Flying Doctors and Koalas and also to having a waistline that most Aussies would be proud of.
Rolf Harris was unavailable for comment.