The sex scandal engulfing the BBC reached fever pitch yesterday as BBC bosses were forced to deny that Fred Flintstone had made a series of indecent demands of his best friend’s wife.
The news comes just days after several prominent Wombles were taken into custody having been charged with organising sordid sex parties on Wimbledon common and taking part in a variety of sado masochistic bondage games during which at least one member of the Teletubbies is believed to have openly weeped.
Following on from a multitude of high profile arrests the BBC has now declared that anyone found having sex, thinking about sex or wanting sex while employed by the news corporation will be locked in a stationary cupboard and shouted at by Gok Wan until they lose all confidence in their ability to engage with anyone they might consider sexually appealing.
The BBC has also refused to comment on reports that a staggering 95% of its employees are sexually active and capable of committing sexual acts, with about 20% of this number thought to have actually carried out lewd sexual practices on a co-worker.
In a move that has been welcomed by interns the corporation is now facing calls to ensure new applicants wanting to work at the BBC are subjected to increasingly intense sexual stimuli as part of the interview process. Early reports suggest the BBC has already approached Fearne Cotton and David Tennant with regards to their lapdancing skills.
It is believed that anyone capable of being sexually aroused by either Ms Cotton or Mr Tennant would be a depraved individual capable of committing the grossest acts of indecency.
The investigation continues.