The final of this year’s FA Cup Final will now be played some 225 million km’s away from its spiritual home on Earth to the red planet known as Mars.
Some football fans have claimed this is a cynical ploy to capitalize on the growing Martian audience, the FA have rubbished such claims, saying in a statement, ‘We would like to point out that the Martian stadium will soon be a regular fixture in football venues. After meeting with various stakeholders, we agreed that rich people would have no problem meeting the traveling requirements.’
‘As for the regular fans, the heartbeat of the game in that we can bleed them dry, we have put a bus service on but we would also advise them to consider that the travel time to Mars on a bus, they likely won’t return home until many years after the collapse of civilization’
Regular Wigan fan Joe says he will not make the trip, ‘I was really excited about going to Wigan’s first cup final but then a mate told me that by the time the bus arrived I will have been dead for a few thousand years and that it will actually be my descendants who land on Mars. By that time the purpose of the trip will be lost in time and rather than a football game we will instead have to warring factions fighting over which God, Wigan or Chelsea, will lead them to salvation.’