Saturday 3:00 am:
Contestants in the final Big Brother household are reeling from shock following extensive changes from the stark modernist living area that they had been expecting.
Earlier there had been horrified gasps as each of the new participants walked through the leaded glass front door, stepped onto the garishly patterned Wilton carpet and caught sight of the grandfather clock and twee ‘Lark Rise’ curtains for the first time. There was almost a casualty in the opening minutes when six foot six cross dressing basketball player, Bong, tripped over Fluffy, the BB house cat, only narrowly avoiding knocking the cheap reproduction of Constable’s ‘The Hay Wain’ from the wall, lovingly decorated in a deep crimson and mauve flock.
In this year’s contest, housemates will not be expected to perform major tasks for food rewards. A plentiful supply of custard cream biscuits and fruit cake will be available to accompany the frequent tea breaks in return for a little pottering around in the immaculately laid out garden. Alcohol has not been forgotten with housemates being allowed a generous glass of supermarket cream sherry every evening as they watch DVD’s of Midsomer Murders.
Executive producer Katy Smith explained the idea behind the changes, ‘Channel 4 are looking to appeal to a broader viewing audience, so for BB11 we have chosen more traditional furnishings to give a softer feel to the show.’ She added, “we like to surprise people and this could be the biggest test for the contestants since the show began all those years ago.’
The only contestant who seemed un-phased by the décor is Barry Webster, the oldest contestant, who lives with his parents in Shanklin. Barry, 52, made straight for the large chintz armchair by the hearth, put his feet up on the fluffy pouffe and announced that he was going to ‘grab 40 winks.’
Amid the usual hype, there was a warning from leading behavioural psychologist, Bernard Chattel: ‘To put so many hyperactive attention seekers into such comfortable conditions could be very damaging. They might emerge from the house wanting to do nothing more constructive with the rest of their lives than bake cakes and join the National Trust.’
Saturday 4:35 am:
19 year old blonde wannabe Cowell Miller cried her heart out in the diary room “It’s torture,” she sobbed “even worse than my Nan’s.”