Brave US Senators were today praised for blocking a bill that would have prevented guns from ending up in the wrong hands but created mild inconvenience for sane gun users, which is of course anti-freedom.
‘I like to picture the Senate floor like a battle zone,’ said one Senator, ‘so if we lost and gun control was introduced, it would have been a massacre. Picture, if you will, bodies lying lifeless, the beautiful crystal floor bathed in a river of blood, people running in terror, children crying and never getting the chance to grow up. Just the thought of that terror will create an emptiness in my soul that I shall never be able to escape from. I had to prevent that terrible tragedy from happening in my imagination even if it meant letting real tragedies continue. I knew it was my heroic destiny to make sure everyone in America had access to gun, criminally insane or not.’
Struggling to stand under the weight of the small arsenal strapped to his body NRA gun nut Tyler Mackie thanked the Senate ‘heroes,’ for their courageous work, ‘It takes a special kind of person to look at the 20 dead children at Sandy Hook and defiantly say, “we will tolerant this to maintain our hobby.” I don’t want to have to wait a week to get a gun, if something needs killing today it needs killing today.’
‘Fighting for freedom is always easy when nothing is on the line,’ said another Senator. ‘People think that we are barbaric for voting against this measure because kids are dying due to gun crime. It’s understandable but this is just like voting to said kids to war to die, every Senator on that floor realises it won’t be their kid that dies so no biggie.’