Partially lame British athlete Paula Radcliffe has admitted to bombing in the Boston Marathon to add to her tally of bombing out of Athens and Beijing, according to reports.
As several key competitors were force to quit the race due to a nearby terrorist atrocity, the 39 year-old was left with her best chance of a top-three finish in over fifteen years.
Radcliffe was making good progress as part of the leading pack, but lost valuable time after discovering the toilets at the JFK library were closed for cleaning.
As a result, the Northwich-born runner was forced to take a shit in a nearby McDonalds, finding herself in a queue behind Kenyan distance runner Patrick Musyoki and somebody who had actually purchased some fast food from the restaurant.
‘I made it in and out of the cubicle in 5 minutes 23. seconds, shaving 2.34 seconds off my personal best,’ Radcliffe told us
‘That’s when I realised I’d forgotten my inhaler.’
The plucky Brit was able to continue the race, but as she neared the tape she felt two explosions – one in her hamstring and one in her calf muscle.’
Radcliffe hoped to erase the painful memories of last year’s Boston Marathon where she recorded her worst ever time after turning up in Boston, Lincolnshire.
And the star is keen to play down suggestions that she is the Michael Owen of long-distance running.
‘I’m focussing all my attention on Sao Paolo in 2016 where I’ll be doing the commentary with Steve Cram and Brendan Foster‘
‘Fuck me - did you just let one go?’