David Cameron today responded to the death of former Labour Prime Minister Tony Blair, who threw himself off Nelson’s Column last night in a bid to try to deflect attention from Margaret Thatcher’s funeral: “I say, that’s jolly good news! At least Margaret Thatcher never waged a pointless war in a land far away for no good reason. Mr Blair also showed appalling judgement by hiring the clown who ruined Britain, Gordon Brown.”
“I tell you, the British people can rest assured I will not be wasting another £10 million on a funeral for that charlatan, what what!”
Meanwhile, tributes to Margaret Thatcher continued to pour in. Former Cabinet Minister Norman Hobbit-Sheep recalled: “Whenever I had done something wrong, Margaret used to call me into her office and give me a good spanking, shouting “No Norman, no, no, no!” before tossing me off (don’t tell the wife!). Such fun and wonderful memories!”
Boris Johnson called for the next London airport to be named the ‘Margaret Thatcher International’ and located in Barnsley as a gesture of disrespect to Mrs Thatcher’s arch-enemy Arthur Scargill.
One Scotsman said: “The whole thing is a waste of taxpayers’ money and a Tory propaganda stunt. It sounds as interesting as a cricket, tennis or golf radio broadcast, although I might tune in for the riots and terrorist attacks with a few crates of Skull Splitter beer and a stash of deep-fried battered Mars Bars.”
Mick Philpott mused: “I didn’t ask to be born.”