Dawn Ormeroyd, keen golfer and Deputy Mayoress of Felixtowe, was disqualified yesterday for using a belly putter. Ms Ormeroyd, a popular 36 handicap lady member of Royal Orwell Golf Club, had carded a record-breaking round of 128 to win the bi-monthly Senior Masters Championship by a clear four stroke margin.
But when she got back to the clubhouse to celebrate, Club Captain Colonel Edgar Curthoys, informed her that under local rules involving the use of walking sticks – paragraph 43 sub-section 8 - she'd been disqualified for cheating via use of an unlicensed 'belly' putter.
“What they do in Augusta's their bloody business but this is Felixtowe UK and we don't hold with communists,” growled furious Colonel Curthoys as he presented the gold cup to 76 year old retired stockbroker, Bob Strickland-Tope.
Dawn Ormeroyd, who only 6-putted once during her entire round, readily admitted the belly putter had revolutionised her game. “My hands and arms naturally shake like billy-o especially when I've had a few the night before,” she revealed. “Hugging the top of the putter to my bosom seems to minimise the G-forces and cushion the yips.”
The discussion carried on late into the evening as members considered the merits and associated technical problems of the infamous belly putter. “Our chief predicament is that shops don't stock belly putters,” said club professional Ted Starling. “Dawn picked hers up on holiday in Las Vegas so she's the only golfer for miles to own a belly putter.”
Shortly after midnight, the Committee unanimously decreed that in future either everyone uses the long putter or they're banned – backdating the verdict to the previous night.
“It's a good old fashioned British compromise,” smiled a satisfied Colonel Curthoys. “We've disqualified Dawn Ormeroyd but made her Lady Captain for the Year 2018-19 and given her honorary keys to the men's snooker room.”